Today, the episode is my attempt at story telling. The story I want to tell is about how I learned to read clairvoyantly. It’s a question I get a lot – how I came into this work and learned to do this. My path to this work is not straight-forward. My journey is very meandering and did not feel linear at all.
In my early years, I was a rule follower. My dad was a scientist, and I loved the earth, so I went to college to study natural resources. I also got a master’s degree in environmental studies. Going from scientist to psychic can seem like a big 180, but it wasn’t, actually.
I was always a seeker. I always craved connection to something bigger. I was a believer and wanted to somehow tend to magic. I wanted to be able to keep and hold that connection to magic and to something bigger.
Whether I was in chemistry class, downhill ski racing or running triathlons, there was always a theme of, “what’s happening behind the scenes, or between the lines.” I was always sensing the subtle world, no matter what I was doing.
In my current practice, I use my claircognizance and clairvoyance most often. If I just stay in clairsentience, I have a difficult time holding space for people without taking on their stuff.
However, my natural intuitive gift is clairsentience.
High sensitivity is the invitation for intuition. It allows you to have the open channels needed to become intuition. Becoming intuitive is choosing to work with those open channels and the information coming in.
As a child, I had very open feeling channels. I had a really difficult time in first grade. I was very challenged by sitting in the energy of everyone else in the classroom. I had a knowing when someone else was going to be sick, or wet their pants. I wasn’t aware at the time, but now I think I was picking up on heightened emotions.
Listen in to get more details, but here are the bullets:
- I could feel the emotions as others as extreme discomfort in my own body
- I had to go home when others were upset
- I also noticed my clairsentience as nervous stomach aches throughout my childhood
- I would have to go home when things got really bad, but when I got home, things were fine because I wasn’t hosting all the emotions of others anymore. My channels were clear
- I really blocked my clairvoyant channels when I was young
- While I seemed to be fearless in some ways, in others I was very fearful, particularly of the dark, evil, monsters and things like that
- If I had been naturally clairvoyant, I believe I would have blocked it, based on the time and place a grew up in
- Born and raised in a small town in Utah, which is predominantly Mormon in faith
- I didn’t grow up Mormon, my family didn’t practice any sort of faith
- Growing up this way was confusing for me, because I am naturally such a seeker of truth and connection
- When I was really young, I felt connected. Just before kindergarten, that changed, and I believe it’s because I met all these new friends who were Mormon
- I’d always been a rule follower, and what I was starting to understand about faith and connection was that I didn’t understand what the rules were
- As a child, my Mormon friends told me about “righteousness,” which was what you had to be in order to be cool in the eyes of God
- I was afraid of pissing off God, so I became hyper-vigilant in my behaviors
- I had a strong sense of being “other.” I now wonder if this is how I may have shut off any natural clairvoyant abilities I may have had – fear of “doing it wrong,” and fear of what others referred to as “evil.”
- I had an experience of seeing a reflection in my mirror that wasn’t me, and it freaked me out
- When I was young, I was really good at sensing what people carried with them energetically. I now believe these were people’s shadows – where they’d packed away their stuff, their trauma, their stuff that needed to be healed
- My parents had some good friends that we spent a lot of time with. I didn’t like the father of that family, and I couldn’t put my finger on why – he just made me incredibly uncomfortable. Whenever I was in his presence, I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
- I was really afraid of seeing this stuff – I didn’t care why or what was going on, I just wanted to get away
- I became interested in the intuitive arts in my early 20’s when I lived in Colorado. I spoke about this in a Episode 13
- My first experience receiving energy work was in Colorado, where I received some Reiki
- When I laid down on the table to receive Reiki, it was incredible – it was better than the best massage or the best sex. It felt like rivers were opening up in my body, and it felt like I was being held and hugged and comforted. I resonated with it so deeply.
- I consider Reiki to be my gateway into energy healing
- I was certified in Reiki level I and II – it was a very effective form of healing for me
- Fast forward several years to the end of my senior year of college – I’m applying for graduate schools
- I’m accepted to my dream program, The California Institute of Integral Studies. They really wanted me, accepted me on the spot.
- I got scared
- Instead, I accepted the invitation to study at my current University. Because my fiance was there. And I could afford it. Because it was safe.
- Living with my fiance, I used to listen to spiritual radio in the evening and knit, away from my fiance. He was okay with my spiritual studies as long as it was “in the closet.”
- My fiance was atheist, and kind of elitist about the whole thing. I told him, “Spirituality is a big part of my life. Is this okay? Can you accept this part of me?” He said, “Yes.”
- A few days after we filed for divorce, he told that when I asked him that, he had thought, She’ll grow out of it.
- When the two of us moved to Monterey, CA, two years later and got married. There, I started taking some meditation classes where I learned some of the tools that I now teach in The Refuge for Sacred Rebellion. My husband was okay with it because it didn’t seem to affect him.
- In 2008, we moved to San Diego for my husband’s job. I had a difficult time finding a job, so I took a yoga teacher training program and decided to jump into the Clairvoyant Training Program I’d been eyeballing for a while.
- My husband was incredibly angry that I went through with the program. He thought I would make “the right” decision and give up on my spiritual pursuits
- My husband thought that my spiritual pursuits were something I was doing therapeutically, not something I was serious about. When I signed up, we had a huge fight. He wanted proof of the metaphysical world, and I had none he would listen to.
- That was how I began my clairvoyant training program – with a huge pile of doubt from my partner. The high I’d had from my healing courses came crashing down.
- When I started the program, I couldn’t see anything for about three months. I had easily been doing readings, accidentally, in my healing program, and it was gone.
- I wanted it so bad and was trying to hard, so that I could prove it to my husband, and all the effort and seriousness created so much tension in my subtle sense organs that they were closed down.
- My teacher finally gave me some tough love and said, “You’ve got to decide if you want to do this.”
- When I finally made the decision that yes, I wanted to do this, I started seeing so easily
- I’d finish my evening classes on such a high, so excited and happy in this new energy. I’d come out of my class to my stony-faced husband, who wouldn’t speak to me about my training. This was my atmosphere for learning clairvoyance.
- For me, being able to learn to see the darkness depended on me being ready, and, for me, being connected with a higher power who had my back
- That’s what helped me open up my full range of reading abilities – my “come to heart” moment, where I finally recognized where the sense of Spirit sits within me and how I can always access that
- That helped me feel like it was okay to see everything, not just the good stuff
- I always made sure I had a teacher and colleagues who I could trade and consult with
- I’ve been giving readings since 2009-2010, but really professionally since 2013. What I noticed was that I just didn’t attract people who had surface-level issues.
- My first clients were addicted to opioids, stuck in medical treatments not working, tons of trauma in the past – there was an “aha” moment about who was finding me, and how I needed to be able to see in the darkness.
- My astrology reading with Holly Repenn
- It became really clear that I needed to be able to see into the darkness
- My picture with the lollipop and what it means
- What I’m going to be teaching in The School for Sacred Rebellion
- I hope this story resonated with you
- Group Oracle